"Nobody can do everything - but everybody can do something."

Recently, I was looking through my journal from my first trip to South Africa.

18 months ago, I was an exchange student at Rhodes and I visited Amasango only a couple days a week. 18 months ago I'd spend only an hour or two several days a week with the kids. 18 months ago, I was very new to how everything works in Grahamstown, South Africa.

I was reading through an entry during my first couple of weeks in this country. I wrote about how upsetting it was to see kids begging outside supermarkets, restaurants and gas stations. I have changed a lot since then. I don't know if being at Amasango constantly has made me callous or made me realize I can't do everything.

Every day, I see kids that I work with begging outside supermarkets after school has finished. I'll stop and talk for a bit, but I don't feel the pressure I used to feel to go into the store and buy bread and milk. I give when I can--but I don't feel guilty anymore when I can't. Most days, the kids and I talk for a couple minutes before I carry on walking home to a roof over my head and a full fridge while they carry on begging.

18 months ago, it tore me up not being able to give to every kid I saw. 18 months ago, I'd frequently take long detours to avoid areas where I'd commonly see beggars. I'd try and shield myself from the outstretched hands, the sad faces, the pitiful pleas for food and money.

Now, I walk right down High Street with shopping bags in one hand and a burger in the other--right past all the people begging for food.

I used to feel dirty doing walking down bustling High Street past all the hungry people. I don't anymore, and I don't understand why. It certainly isn't pleasant to see desperate people--but it's not as awful as it was a year-and-a-half ago.

I've almost become complacent to the fact that on the way to school or on my way home, I could pass a dozen people who want the leftover bits of the hamburger I'm eating, or the bread I'm carrying in my bag.

Perhaps I've gotten used to this desperation. Perhaps I've become hardened. Perhaps it's a coping mechanism I've developed over these past three trips.

For better or worse though, a walk down High Street is very different from 18 months ago.